国外也有段子手:领先几球才安全?

[来源:未知][作者:本站编辑] [日期:2018-04-22 13:51]

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷。巴萨遭遇罗马惊天逆转,皇马也险些被尤文掀翻,而利物浦、拜仁则顺利进入四强。周末联赛,曼联意外输球送给曼城提前夺冠,巴萨创下39场西甲联赛不败纪录,阿森纳遭遇逆转,而利物浦、切尔西、曼城、拜仁等球队则顺利取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

惊天逆转!罗马3-0巴萨

OldTough(曼联球迷):都说4-0的领先最危险,但没想到4-1的领先也这么危险啊!(They said a 4-0 lead was dangerous. But a 4-1 was dangerous too.)

PotumDon (巴黎球迷):哈哈巴萨,你也有被逆转的一天!(LOL BARCA ITS YOUR TURN TO BLEW A LEAD!)

xyzTr1LL(切尔西球迷):巴黎圣日耳曼恐成最大赢家!(It is Paris that really won!)

LordVelaryon(多特蒙德球迷):那最大输家就是米兰了吧…(It is Milan that really lose.)

otalp(利物浦球迷):技不如人,输掉很多;志不如人,输掉一切。(It is determination other than tactic matters most.)

SnapMatt(巴萨球迷):被淘汰并不可怕,可怕的是我们这几年没进四强的时候皇马都夺冠了…(It’s not that unacceptable to be knocked out but that Real Madrid would lift the trophy every time we didn’t make it to semi finals really hurts me…)

cboden18(热刺球迷):妈妈咪呀!(MAMA MIA)

ApocolipseJ(巴萨球迷):我们来了,我们看到了,我们输球了。("We came, we saw, we lost.")

Bestopinionismine(皇马球迷):心疼库鸟,当你离开利物浦去追求欧冠的时候,却发现利物浦比你的新东家走的更远…(Poor Couti when you leave Liverpool to win UCL but Liverpool go further than your new team Lol.)

Jumpoff999(巴萨球迷):是啊,就像当年的欧文一样!(Like Michael Owen.)

TehAwezomeGuy(巴萨球迷):要么作为英雄而死,要么苟活到目睹自己成了废柴。(You either die a miracle or live long enough to see yourself become the choker...)

Moodchainz(巴萨球迷):巴萨需要一位精神领袖!我看罗马的迪帅就挺不错…(What Barcelona needs most is a mental leader! I recommend Di Francesco.)

varg_ass(未知主队球迷):奥恩-戈尔绝对被高估了!在球队最需要他的时候从没有挺身而出!(Own Goal always disappears when it matters, most overrated player of the season imo.)

Prazza1(未知主队球迷):不,只不过是奥恩-戈尔终于发现了射门的正确方向而已!(No, I just love how Own Goal scored in the correct net this time.)

Postwaryears(考文垂球迷):我的历史老师怎么从没教过我马诺拉斯就是在罗马的希腊神尊啊!(Why didnt my history teacher tell me about Manolas the Greek god from Rome)

Poem_fm(巴萨球迷):自从2016年9月以来,巴萨在欧冠客场进球的球员就只有梅西一个人,虽然他也没进几个球…(Lionel Messi is the only FC Barcelona player who scored a Champions League away goal since September 2016, although he didn’t make it that many.)

Kiritok(巴萨球迷):意大利并不是巴萨的福地…(Italy is not Barca's promised land.)

Pep2009(巴萨球迷):说得跟我们还有福地一样…(Do we have any promised land?)

Pineappleda(皇马球迷):比如…伯纳乌?(like…Bernabeu?)

Polymath(利物浦球迷):我们的小魔术师,把他的球队从欧冠变没了!(Our little Magician has made his team disappear...)

Ihaverocketlegs(利物浦球迷):其实库鸟今年是有机会赢得三冠王的奖牌的,而巴萨和利物浦却都没机会了…(This means it's possible for Coutinho to win the treble madel despite both LFC and Barca both being unable to.)

连续39场不败创纪录,巴萨2-1瓦伦西亚

Bayart(马赛球迷):巴萨主场的草坪太令人羡慕了,我好想在上面和女朋友嘿咻…(I'm so jealous of Barcelona's pitch. So smooth. I want to have sex with my girlfriend on it.)

Katad(阿森纳球迷):你是我在巴萨新闻里看到的第一条和罗马无关的评论…(This is the first comment with no mention of Rome in Barca section)

TheMineReda(巴萨球迷):为了给巴萨上一课,瓦伦西亚使用了巴萨几天前踢罗马的战术!(They just use our tactics against Rome to give us a lesson!)

cyborgsid2(巴萨球迷):这是什么世道,吉鲁都能用脚进球了,而梅西竟然去头球抢点…(The fuck is happening? Giroud scoring ground shots. Messi going for headers?)

(图):我很生气,但并不意味着我不再关心你

loveicetea(巴萨球迷):大家好好干,争取拿下双冠王,这样本赛季也算是稍微好闻一点的翔… (Cheer up lads, let’s win the double to make us a better shit.)

Notreal01(巴萨球迷):现在就希望皇马不要再夺欧冠,这样我们就能算是金子做的翔了…(If only Real Madrid lost in CL, so that we could be a golden shit…)

cliff_smiff(阿森纳球迷):笑话了巴萨半天,结果人家把得双冠王都当成翔,那我们岂不是…(If you are still shit even win the double, what are we now…how could I laugh at you…)

XTRA(阿森纳球迷):我们当然有资格笑话巴萨!赛季初我们就赢下酋长杯和社区盾杯的双冠王了,巴萨赢得过这俩冠军吗?(Of course we can laugh at Barca! We have already win the Emirates Cup and Community Shield at the beginning of this season, but Barca has never won even one of them!)

激情双杀,利物浦2-1曼城

Ajwz(利物浦球迷):试想一下,要是斯特林没转会去曼城,那我们现在的前场三叉戟将会是萨拉赫、马内和菲尔米诺!(imagine if we hadn't sold Sterling to man city. Then we'd have a front 3 of Salah, Mane and Firmino.)

_madman(利物浦球迷):利物浦带给我的快乐,比金钱和女人带来的快乐强多了!好吧,我承认我从来没体会过金钱和女人的快乐…(Salah has made me happier than any amount of money, girl. Well, I admit I never have girls and money.)

Danskzwag(曼联球迷):耶稣进了球,但赢的是穆圣!(Jesus scores. Mohamed wins.)

(注:二者分别指热苏斯和萨拉赫)

the_aamir(皇马球迷):要知道,上次瓜帅遭遇三连败,那还是在执教巴萨青年梯队的时候…(And when the last time Pep lost 3 games in a row? it happened when he coached Barcelona youth academy.)

Bean_Geoff(曼联球迷):半秃头的裁判,一定是嫉妒了瓜瓜那锃光瓦亮的脑门…(The ref is jealous of Peps full headed baldness while he is a measely half bald fraud.)

FumeArtorias(皇马球迷):看到了吧,并不是说西甲裁判偏袒皇马或巴萨,他们只是单纯的瞎而已…(See, its not that La Liga refs favour Barca or Real. They're just absolutely blind.)

C罗点球绝杀,皇马1-3尤文涉险晋级

Prowantedz(巴萨球迷):今年的世界杯,怕是都比不上这欧冠来的刺激…(There is no way the World Cup will be as exciting as this year’s champions league.)

Djoliverm(皇马球迷):从来就没有什么救世主,也没有神仙皇帝,要创造皇马的幸福,全靠我们C罗。(There is no god but Ronaldo to help Madrid.)

Veryoriginaleh(皇马球迷):加盟皇马以来,球队51%的欧冠进球都有C罗的参与!(Cristiano Ronaldo has been involved in 51% of Real Madrid’s goals in the Champions League since his arrival.)

MullenBand(曼联球迷):剩下的49%都是凯恩的吗?(The other 49? Harry Kane.)

焦点之战,曼城3-1热刺

tsonny1104(阿森纳球迷):埃里克森和妻子宣布将诞生小宝宝,热刺提出上诉说凯恩才是孩子的父亲,因为凯恩才是最后开的火!(Christian Eriksen and his wife have announced they are expecting a child, Tottenham have appealed to the FA for Harry Kane to be the father as he got the last shoot!)

ChrisTheLewis(朴茨茅斯球迷):别在意上次凯恩到底碰没碰到球了,来算算凯恩今天这比赛有几次触球吧!(Nevermind the argument about if Kane touched it last week, how many touches did Kane have in total today? So quiet.)

Java_Beans(皇马球迷):我已瓜瓜的光头发誓,凯恩这次也碰到球了!(I swear on Pep's bald head, I think Kane touched that.)

Scisyhptseb(曼联球迷):击败曼城的绝招,就是在上半场得落后2球啊!(The key to beating City is conceding 2 goals in the first half.)

BrandNew85(阿森纳球迷):要是踢斯特林位置的是萨拉赫,这一个赛季不得进50个球…(Salah would score 50 league goals playing in Sterling's spot on City.)

送曼城夺冠,曼联0-1西布朗

LikeWhiteside(曼联球迷):德赫亚甚至都能守护住瓜帅的头发…(De Gea is so good he could have saved Pep's hair.)

encoreAC(AC米兰球迷):在我们说话的间隙,曼联已经把传真机给砸了…(United fans breaking their fax machine as we speak.)

Ductsauce(切尔西球迷):切尔西去年就是赢了西布朗夺冠,今年曼城夺冠则是曼联输给了西布朗…(CFC won the title against West Brom last year, City won the title because of West Brom this year.)

Pulisordie(西布朗球迷):我们才是冠军归属的决定者!(WE'RE TITLE DECIDERS.)

Banterforlife(未知主队球迷):这也算是曼城在老特拉福德球场夺冠了吧…(In a way City could win the league at Old Trafford.)

Cameronspixels(西布朗球迷):能不能给我们也发一块金牌…(This has to mean that we share one league medal.)

(图):曼联获得了“阻击曼城夺冠一周”的奖杯!

Almost_Pi(利物浦球迷):忽然发现,本赛季赢了曼城的球队,都会接下来就主场输给西布朗啊!(I just realized that after beat City back you will lost next home game to West Brom.)

Mrlnd(西布朗球迷):只恨赢曼城的球队还不够多啊!(But there are not enough teams to beat city!)

(图):历史的精彩瞬间,你能看出多少个?

Eventully(未知主队球迷):西布朗是第一支赢下了冠军争夺战,却又要降级的球队么…(Are West Brom the first team to get relegated and win the league match in the same season?)

BurnsMaroon(诺丁汉森林球迷):2005/06赛季的尤文也是如此…(Juventus, 2005/06.)

TheMexicanJuan(巴萨球迷):伟大的曼联!在帮助曼城夺冠的同时,又帮助保级球队拿分!(On one end, Man United wins the league for city, and on the other, they help the bottom team avoid relegation. Class act.)

惨遭逆转,阿森纳1-2纽卡斯尔

LegSpinner(阿森纳球迷):现在快快上吉鲁!(I think now would be a good time to bring Giroud on.)

TheAbster(切尔西球迷):同为难兄难弟,这赛季看阿森纳的比赛真是让我倍感安慰…(I find comfort watching Arsenal play this season. They're our bottling brothers.)

Jopomag(阿森纳球迷):似乎嗅到了一股被伯恩利超越排在第七,并且欧联杯还要输给马竞的气息…(Scenes when we finish 7th behind Burnley and lose to Atletico in the EL.)

Bezzzerk(阿森纳球迷):温格需要时间来痛改前非!看起来五年比较合适。(Wenger should be given the chance to right his wrongs. Five seasons would be fair.)

j-bear95(阿森纳球迷):新的一天,新的难过。(Another day, another shit.)

Aidsfart_(阿森纳球迷):现在足球带给我的,到底还是不是快乐…(Actually I am in no way feeling good myself in this sport.)

吉鲁替补两球,切尔西3-2南安普顿

jr981(切尔西球迷):吉鲁真是太屌了!好想长得像他那样啊!(GOAT Giroud, how I wish to be look like him.)

Tim-Sanchez(伯恩茅斯球迷):南安普顿保级不是没道理,每次都是踢70分钟好球,然后10分钟XJBT就毁掉一切…(Well that's why Southampton are in a relegation fight. 70 excellent minutes followed by 10 extremely poor minutes.)


三叉戟进球,利物浦3-0伯恩茅斯

CBPanik(曼联球迷):6个月前你要是跟我说萨拉赫能两个赛季进40个球,我一定认为你疯了,更别说一个赛季就做到了…(6 months ago I would have said you're crazy if you said Salah would score 40 in 2 years, let alone one.)

Phayilkid(利物浦球迷):恭喜萨拉赫上演帽子戏法!慢镜头回放显示他都碰到球了!(Great hat trick by Salah. Replays show he got the last touch.)

v79x(利物浦球迷):还是1-0领先的时候更放心,2-0的时候瞬间就紧张起来了…(I love how at 1-0 up we're super comfortable, then we go 2-0 up and suddenly the game gets tense.)

顺利晋级,拜仁0-0塞维利亚

Nooobz(未知主队球迷):海因克斯简直就是西甲球队的氪石!(Jupp Heynckes is a Kryptonite in the eyes of the Spanish teams so.)

OfficialGloryHunter(哈镇球迷):欧冠1/4决赛踢完,根本没人来谈论拜仁,也许是因为比赛踢得太正常了吧…(After the quarters, nobody is talking about Bayern, they're just quietly doing their thing.)

酣畅淋漓,拜仁5-1门兴格拉德巴赫

GreatSpaniard(西班牙球迷):总是忘了阿拉巴才25岁,可他都已经拿了7次德甲冠军了…(I always forget Alaba is 25 and 7 league titles already…)

Royboom(未知主队球迷):最佳中锋瓦格纳!先是用丁丁进了球,随后又用后脑勺进了一个…(Wagner scored with his Dick and now with the back of his head. Great striker.)

Insanel0l(拜仁球迷):最后胡梅尔斯一定是太无聊了,都已经跑到前面去当前锋了…(Imagine being as bored as Hummels deciding to play striker for the last couple of minutes because Gladbach is nulified going forward.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!

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